On Having Five Minutes to Kill

I currently have five minutes to kill. This seems to happen to me every now and then, when I don't have a lot to do to get ready for the next day of school, but I'm required to stay for half an hour after school is out. Therefore, here I sit. And, the main thing on my mind at the moment is the following: That sub that came in today to watch me while my cooperating teacher was gone was WEIRD! Holy crap was he weird. I've kind of noticed that about substitute teachers, actually. However this guy was the weirdest. I definitely raised my eyebrows several times during the day, when he was calling the students ugly or cracking your mom jokes at them. About their moms I mean. I he had had a mustache it would have been icing on the cake. But, I can't complain too much. After all, he did buy me lunch. This has me thinking of mustaches now, and it's almost time to go. Therefore, I'll leave you with a picture of an evil man, but he had one of the best mustaches in history.

This is Captain Danger out.

On Alter-Egos

Introducing Captain Danger's latest generally mild-mannered alter-ego: Mr. Chandler!

Here we see Mr. Chandler in his casual state, having just returned home from another day of teaching ninth graders. Mr. Chandler enjoys classic rock and is generally well-liked by his students. So, Captain Danger is Mr. Chandler by weekday, but his general dangerous self by night and by weekend. Observe the most recent ability Captain Danger has acquired, known simply as "Speed Mode."

In Speed Mode, Captain Danger is able to reach speeds upwards of ten miles per hour. I know, I know what you're thinking. "That's not possible! Even Captain Danger can't be capable of such speed!" However, it's true. You'd be surprised what a fat guy is capable of! Finally, I leave you, the reader, with one final picture. This picture depicts Captain Danger in his natural habitat, the outdoors, engaged in one of his many natural activities, protecting lives.

Now, you may ask, "Captain Danger, how are you protecting lives in this picture?" There are actually two ways that I'm doing just that. First of all, I'm looking so amazing that that in and of itself is saving lives. I'm sure that there are some people who would just keel over and die if I didn't look this good with such a perfect opportunity. Second, that piece of webbing that's attached to my harness is attached to a rappelling anchor, which is attached to a rope, which is attached to a person. Had the rappelling anchor failed (you generally have to trust the rope, otherwise you wouldn't be rappelling), I would have been there to use my enormous strength and bulk to hold up the person. It would have protected their life. Trust me. That being said, I have nothing more to say at the moment. This is Captain Danger out.

On Europe

So, I've been teaching about Europe recently in class, and I've decided on the countries I'd really like to visit if I were ever to have the money to travel there. I realize that this eventuality is not likely to occur, but here follows my list of countries to visit. Granted, the rest of the European countries are cool, too, but these are the ones that appeal to me most:

Andorra--It is just cool how it's up in the mountains and it's so dang small!

Norway--Because fjords are AWESOME! I've seen pictures and I really want to go and see some in real life.

Switzerland--Because I think the Alps look awesome. Also, I hear there is some flippin' amazing canyoneering in Switzerland, and I would totally be all over that.

Italy--Because, I mean, come on. I'm a history major, and I took the coolest Roman history class ever.

San Marino--Because it's right there in Italy, and aside from that, it looks really cool. Also, it's just awesome that it's small.

So, that's my main list. Given the opportunity, I'd visit other ones, but these ones are at the top of my list. I know that some of my friends are probably going to want to stab me because some country they love isn't on that list. Well, I'm afraid that's how life works. At any rate, that's all I've got for the moment. I think I'm going to tell the two students that I'm waiting on that they can color their maps at home and then go home myself. This is Captain Danger (also known as Mr. Chandler) out.

On Hoops

So, maybe I'm just complaining on this blog lately, and that really doesn't reflect my current life condition, but I have to say right now, the teacher work sample that I have to do to graduate really sucks. Why can't they just have me teach and trust my cooperating teacher to say that I did a good job? No one even looks at the stupid teacher work sample. It's just a hoop to jump through. Anyway, that concludes my rant. This is Captain Danger out.

Because I Feel Like I Should Post More Frequently...

I don't think I really have a lot to say right now, I just feel like I never write on my blog these days, and that is a terrible thing, because my writing is not something that the world should be without. That's for sure. Anyway, did you, my loyal readers, know that my left arm is still not to 100% combat readiness? It's very close. It's like 99.3%, which is good enough to do just about everything, but it's still not perfect, and that bothers me. I suspect that the answer to this dilemma may lie in the weight room. However, weight rooms are notoriously difficult to make it to. Whenever I think about going I think, "No, that's not necessary" and then I don't go. Does this show a lack of motivation on my part? It's possible. But, I ask you, what business does a guy who looks like this:

have at the gym? My point exactly. This is Captain Danger out.

On Teaching

So, having spent a few weeks starting my chosen profession, I think I am at least slightly qualified to blog about it. Also, I haven't written anything on my blog for quite some time and thought that situation should be fixed. At any rate, as I've been in the public school system for about a month or so, I've learned a few things about 9th graders. They are as follows.

First of all, when you think of 9th graders in a classroom, you generally envision something like this:

I mean, look how pleasant and orderly they are. That is kind of how I pictured a classroom, and in some cases it's been the case. In fact, I have a couple classes that are quite orderly and well-behaved. However, some of my classes, (especially one of my fourth-period classes) are more like this:

You don't believe it, but I'll tell you it's the truth. If some of these children had teeth like that, I would have a valid reason to murder them, which is something they almost beg me to do (not in so many words) every time they enter my classroom. (Note to any worried/paranoid blog stalkers: I am not going to murder any children. That's a thing we call exaggeration, and it's my way of saying that they drive me crazy. Please do not turn me in to the government.) Anyway, those kids are evil. In fact, I've taken to calling them "Satan's Children" to my friends, which, I suppose would make them Hellboy, but they're not nearly as cool as he is, and a lot less respectful.

Another thing that I've learned is that I am pretty much awesome. Well, I already knew that, but it's been reinforced. I mean, come on. The fact that I can teach these kids all about world geography is pretty amazing. Plus, there's the fact that I'm just so much cooler and smarter than they are. I mean, I'm pretty sure that I feel good about myself just about every day because of that. I pause for a minute and think, "Oh, yeah, I'm a lot cooler than these guys." My dad did tell me when I was just starting that I should remember the following: "You're fighting a war of intelligence with a bunch of people who are only partially armed." He was right. Anyway, I believe that finishes this post. At the moment I'm actually at school, killing time until my 30 minutes after school is out is over so I can go home. Actually, that reminds me of something else: Students really suck at turning in their work on time. Take right now for example. A student told me TODAY that he would be taking the test that he missed right now. Is he taking it? NO. That happens ALL. THE. TIME. I mean seriously! Be true to your word!

Anyway, I really am done this time, because I get to leave in one minute. This is Captain Danger out.

On Firearms

There are a lot of things in this world that can be both good and bad. One of those things is the firearm. However, I personally think that they're awesome, and a lot of fun. So, what is it that makes a device that fires a projectile at extremely high speeds so awesome? That's a good question. However, one thing that I know for sure is that I look awesome when I hold them. Observe:

That, my very few readers, is a picture of me with a double-barreled 12-gauge shotgun. I actually prefer a pump-action, but when I wanted to take the picture, this was the gun that was most readily available. Besides, I found that I was just as good of a shot with that one as I was with the pump.

I think that one of the awesome things about guns is that you can make something that's far away from you explode or move or something. That's pretty amazing. There's just something cool about moving something without touching it. There's something even cooler about exploding something without touching it.

So, I think I'll leave it at that. There's a lot more that I could discuss, but I don't think I that I want to discuss things like killing people and gun control and all of the controversy surrounding firearms. Suffice to say that the reason why I like having guns around is because they're really fun to shoot, even if I do have a sore shoulder today.

Also, I'd like to point out that projectile weapons are the only weapons that can destroy replicators. Not human-form replicators, just the regular type.

This is Captain Danger out.