LOST

Before reading this post, please view the animated .gif found here.

Now, if there's one thing that I've never understood, it's the show LOST. I've never seen a full episodes, but the parts of episodes that I've seen have seemed really convoluted and confusing. Some people would say, "Cliff, you can't make a judgment on a show that you've never watched a full episode of!" First of all, those people are ending their sentences with the word "of," which any person who knows about grammar can tell you is awful. I'm pretty sure that the sentence that I just wrote was also grammatically awful, but I don't want to expend the amount of thought it would take to fix it. Yeah, I'm lazy. Second of all, I beg to differ. I believe that I can pass judgment on, not just shows, but also people, animals, books, and pretty much anything when I hardly know anything about them. I'm good at that kind of thing. For example, the first time I saw the show Stargate SG-1, I knew it was a great show, and I was right! I could give many more examples, but that's not what this post is about. Anyway, based on my judgment, the show is just strange. Also, I can't watch any full episodes, because I once told one of my coworkers that I would never watch that show, and when Cliff Chandler says he'll do something, he does it. Or doesn't do it. Depending on the situation.

Anyway, I obviously can't go into great detail explaining what's strange about the show, because I haven't watched it. However, from what I've been told, the premise is that a bunch of people from a plane end up stranded on an island and strange crap starts happening. Okay, that's easy enough to deal with. However, then, from what I'm told, they start having flash backs, and then even stranger, flash forwards, and then before you know it you don't have a clue what's going on. Who wants to watch that? Not me. At any rate, I think the main reason I wanted to write this post is to showcase the animate .gif, which, if you didn't look at it from the first link, you can look at it here. Basically, from what I've heard about the show, that thing sums it up pretty well if you ask me. This is Captain Danger, signing off. (For now. I'll post again, don't worry.)

Six Strings to Greater Attractiveness

There was a time in the past when I was very jealous of those around me who could pull out a guitar and start strumming it. I've always been pretty confident in my voice, and many have told me that I sing well. However, for a very long time, after giving it a couple tries, I had decided that I was incapable of playing the guitar, since I have large fingers. Fat fingers, as I like to call them. However, after a large amount of practicing, I have developed a descent amount of skill. Nothing too amazing, but I can strum out several chords and I can string them together and sing while I play them. I continue to practice, and I consider myself an amateur at best. However, something that I noticed at least partially before I could play and something that I really notice now that I can play is the following: Women really like a guy who can play the guitar. I'm not sure what the allure is, and I'm not going to ask too much, but for some reason, they think it's amazing.

One situation that I keep on finding myself in (and enjoying) is when I mention that I play a little, and then the girl who I said it to asks, "Can you teach me how to play?" My reply? "Yes I can." Then, not only do I get to hang out with said woman for a little while, I also generally get a chance to show off, something that I thoroughly enjoy. Anyway, that being said, I leave the mystery to my readers. What is it that's so attractive about a guy who can play the guitar and sing? I conjecture that it may be the fact that in order to play the guitar, there has to be at least some of his time spent not playing video games. With that, I make an end.

On Spamming

Dear Asians who keep on spamming the comments on my blog,

Because of you I have had to turn on comment moderation. You know, I really have no problems with Asians, and I actually think that Asian characters are pretty cool, the fact that I have no clue what your comments say aside. However, it's the fact that every single one of those comments has a long string of links after it, every one of which leads to a website that I definitely can't endorse. Therefore, my Asian friends, you will find that every one of your comments on my blog will be rejected. I apologize, but that's just the way it has to be. I hold my blog to a higher standard than that.

Yours,

Clifton Chandler
Captain Danger

P.S. To all of my loyal followers, this is why I have turned on comment moderation. Not that you would notice, since none of you have commented on my last couple posts. That's all.
CDC

You Thought I was done blogging, didn't you?

Well, allow me to begin this post by first saying that I apologize for my long absence. I would like to point out, however, that I am not the only one. It seems to me that the blogging craze has died down a bit since last year, when it seemed like everyone and their dog was blogging about everything. Granted, there are a few people who are still blogging, but not nearly as frequently as they used to. Life is sad when people don't want to write about random crap that happens to them or that comes to mind. I blame it on the recession. Either that, or Global Warming. Or else President Obama. It might be his fault, too.

Anyway, I didn't write this post just to make apologies and to point fingers. I actually have something to write about! If you're wondering what it is, wonder no longer! I present to you, the nunchuck gun:This little wonder is brought to us by the geniuses behind homestarrunner.com, one of my very favorite websites. (You know what's annoying? The text in links is always purple. Why does it have to be purple? Anyway.) The nunchuck gun made its first appearance in "Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque too?" and has lived in my heart ever since. I mean, it's so cool! the idea of combining an awesome weapon with another awesome weapon defies the senses, as well as the intelligence.

Granted, there are obviously a few problems with this gun. First of all, it looks like it might have a bit of a shoddy construction. If I were in the business of making nunchuck guns, I'm pretty sure I would use duct tape, not masking tape. My experience with masking tape has been that it generally doesn't hold very well, especially under conditions of heat or getting swung into peoples faces, which are conditions that nunchuck guns are required to endure. Duct tape would do a much better job of making it stand up to the heat of firing, as well as being able to bear being swung into all sorts of peoples faces. Another problem that comes to mind immediately is how the gun would be aimed. Those not as familiar with firearms don't know this, but the sights of a gun (how you aim) are on the top, and with that nunchuck in the way, it would make it hard to aim. That, however, is inconsequential. It simply makes the nunchuck gun a close-range weapon, which makes sense in the first place, because nunchucks are definitely close-range, and pistols are generally only medium range at best.

However, aside from these small problems, which could be easily fixed, I could definitely say that if I were going up against the world's most evil man, a nunchuck gun would be welcome in my arsenal. Just it's ability to shoot, combined with its swing in faces-ness makes it awesome. With that, I make an end. This is Captain Danger out.

Follow-Up

So, my last post may have sounded a little bitter. Am I bitter? Definitely not. Bitterness is not in my repertoire of feelings. Disillusioned? I'm not entirely sure what that means in this context. Was I serious? No. In fact, in retrospect, I am all sorts of willing to concede that true love probably does exist. Does it exist for me? That's debatable. However, as I say that, keep in mind that I am most definitely not bitter. Anyway, while it is very likely that true love exists, I think that the true thing about that cartoon that I posted is that there are better things to be wished for than true love.

So, think about it. Sure, true love can be hard to come by, but it is possible to find it on your own. However, the things that the other guys wished for were nigh impossible to come by yourself. A star fighter? Superpowers? The barrel of money not so much, but work with me here. Given a choice to have one wish come true, and assuming that it can't be world peace or something similar, I would not wish for true love. I would hold out for that to happen to me naturally. No, I'm pretty sure I would wish to be able to teleport.

Now we get into the meat of this post. Teleportation is very possibly one of the coolest things ever imagined. Not teleporting with a machine, which, while it is cool, is inconvenient. The ability to simply be in one place and then suddenly disappear and appear somewhere else. I'm also talking about high-speed teleporting, such as the kind that Nightcrawler of the X-Men can do. I don't know if my readers have seen the beginning of X-Men II, but if they haven't it is pretty much the best part of the movie, and it shows just what a guy who can teleport is capable of, even if they are kind of scary looking, like Nightcrawler is. Yeah, I just watched it. Nightcrawler is most definitely the coolest of all the X-Men. And, what it doesn't show in that movie, but is apparent from my playing of Marvel video games, is that Nightcrawler is also very proficient with swords, something that makes him even more awesome. Anyway, not only can those powers be used to almost kill the president, should it be necessary (not saying anything about the current political situation), but they can also be used for good! Not only could they be used for good, they could also be used for AWESOME! I imagine all of the cool things that I could do if I could teleport like that, and it blows my mind. In fact, my mind is so blown that I can't give you any specific examples.

Also, if I were able to teleport, I'm pretty sure that it would make it easier to find true love on

my own. Take the movie Jumper. Granted, it's not the best movie ever made, but it was a much better movie for Hayden Christensen than Star Wars was. Anyway, part of that movie is him finding what is supposedly (granted, that's debatable) his true love. Maybe she isn't, maybe it's just lust, as it is in lots of movies. However, I think that his ability to teleport definitely allowed that to happen. His abilities certainly allowed him to save her life, along with his own and the lives of other jumpers around the world, by taking Samuel L. Jackson out of the picture. Anyway, I submit that if I had the ability to teleport, it would be so much easier to find my true love. In fact, I would probably be married right now and I wouldn't even be writing about this. However, if that were the case, I suppose you all wouldn't be able to experience the awesomeness that is my writing in this case. That being said, I wouldn't wish for true love at that wishing well. I would, as I have described, wish for my favorite superpower. The ability to teleport. I make an end.

What's the Big Deal?

The comic strip at left illustrates a good point. Is true love really the greatest thing? I mean, I think that those guys who wished for the other things may have been better off. In fact, I'm not sure if true love even really exists. Just sayin'.

What the Possum?

This one's for all of you people out there who think that all animals are cute, cuddly, and sweet. I submit to you the picture to the right. This animal is a possum, and it is neither cute, cuddly, or sweet, despite what that ridiculously cute little girl might think. That possum is about to try and bite her hand off! How is that cute? It isn't. Is that cuddly? I don't think so. Is it sweet to bite off a cute little girl's hand? I submit that it is not. In fact, I strongly submit that it is not. I've noticed that this misplaced liking for animals that many people have does not stop at possums, which are dirty, disgusting, and vicious creatures. No, people have endearing feelings for all kinds of animals, and I would like to put some of those feelings of endearment to rest so that the poor misguided souls who are feeling attached to these animals don't get their hands bitten off out of ignorance.

1. Cats

Now, you may be saying, "But Cliff, what's so wrong with cats? They're nice, right?" Well, let me set the record straight. Cats are not nice, but are, in fact, small, raging balls of pure and burning EVIL! I know lots of people think of cats like this:

That is not what cats are really like. No, cats are really more like this:

Does that guy look cute, cuddly or sweet? I didn't think so. He looks evil, he looks wet, and he looks like he wants to tear off your face and wear it to town, something that I do not desire to have done to me in the least. That being the case, I steer clear of cats as much as possible.

2. Cows

I don't know what misguided notion gave people the idea that cows are cute, cuddly, or sweet, but I assure all of you, having grown up around cows, that they are not, and that they deserve every bit of slaughtering for us to eat that they get. They deserve it. Just their mere stupidity assures that they were created for us to eat. Now, when many people think of cows, they think of this:

Now, while she is cute, at the moment, even I will admit that she's pretty cute. However, keep in mind that most cows, in fact, all cows, look like this when they grow up:

Yeah, scary and not cute, or cuddly, and it would gore you to death before even thinking, in fact, it can't think. That is definitely not cute. That being said, I think I've made my case. If anyone thinks that this guy is cute, I submit that their cute muscles are broken. Like, really broken.

That's all I have to talk about right now. If you have any other questions about animals that you think are cute, cuddly, or sweet, go ahead and put them in the comments. I will be happy to post on them later on. With that, I conclude this post. This is Captain Danger. Out.