Just a Quick One

I break from the plan, which was to discuss whether proximity to me (Captain Danger) actually poses any intrinsic danger to deliver this little gem:

This picture, spelled backwards, would probably spell pure genius. It's amazing. I have to say as well, it's true. Brethren do come before wenches, and that's the way it should be. Here's a shout-out to all of my brethren. That's all I have to say.

What Would it Really Be Like?

Most people are familiar with Mario. I can't lie, it's a classic and well-made game. It's had several different incarnations over the year, but my favorite is the Super Mario World for Super Nintendo. However, have you ever stopped to give it a little thought? Now, granted, it isn't supposed to be realistic, but still. Bowser has all of those minions, but they have these stupid conditions of how they should work. For example, green koopas will walk right off cliffs. That doesn't make any sense. Also, why does Bowser attach chains to those chompy guys? Why doesn't he just let them roam free? Then they would have a way easier time getting Mario, and he wouldn't even have to worry about Mario getting close to him, unless Mario became a first-person shooter. It really doesn't make a lot of sense. If you want to see a funny video and don't mind a little profanity (most of it is bleeped out) check this video out.

Another way to look at it is that it's kind of weird. I mean, why send one man, a plumber, no less, to go after the captured princess? Why not send the army? Why not send commandos? Why not send a knight in shining armor? A plumber just seems such an irrational choice. I would submit that a Mario more like the one in the following video, which is a really funny take on the whole thing, would be much more effective. Make sure to watch the video, I think it's awesome.



Well, that being said, I think it is time for me to take my leave. Remember, however, next time you turn on your outdated game system or power up the emulator on your computer, Mario doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean, jumping on things to kill them? Why would they be less harmful to your feet than to the rest of your body? Please.

Is a Possible Stoning in Order? (of me)

Well, I'm willing to say that the following image/analysis needs very little explanation. I just think it's awesome. Undoubtedly a lot of my readers have already seen it.

Now, I could go into detail as to why girls are evil, but that probably would get me stoned. That, and I would also sound bitter, and I'm not. I would, however, like to say that this is a clever manipulation of a subject that I don't like (math) to prove something that isn't really mathematic. You know, manipulation is probably a word that I should use more often. It sounds so sinister. Sinister is also a good word, which is kind of synonymous with evil. Kind of like girls. Anyway, I'm done.

How Can You Are So Hilarious?

Alright, so this post is likely to brand me as a racist, but I think that it is hilarious when foreigners mess up English. I don't like it because it makes them look dumb or anything, it's just that it often has really funny results. The resulting sentences, commonly called "Engrish," can be seen on signs and labels all over the place. For example, take a look at this little guy:
Now, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Grass does not smile. However, the people who made the sign wanted us to not walk on the grass. They did their best, but it kind of flopped. This is just a gem. I'm afraid I'll have to apologize, because things like the following little bits of Engrish require very little introduction or explanation. Suffice it to say that they are absolutely amazing.And, another little gem. No Chinese meal could end better than the following:
And, of the selection that I found for this post, my personal favorite:
There you have it, genius, inadvertently generated. Have a great day!

Let's Boogey!

Yet again, I give my thanks to Clay for providing me with the picture that inspired this post. I don't know where I'll find my inspiration when he's no longer looking at random websites. So, into the post:

Typically, when we think of the Boogeyman, something like this comes to mind:
Yeah, really creepy. In fact, I almost regret that this is on my blog. However, it makes the contrast of this post more fun. the Boogeyman has been haunting the nightmares of children and jumpy adults for years. Wikipedia theorizes that the idea of the boogeyman has been around since 17th Century England. That's a long time for people who are afraid of the dark to be afraid of something that doesn't exist. This conception of a "Boogeyman" has been around for far too long, and it is false. It could even be being used by the mass media to keep us subjugated. You know, I wouldn't be overly surprised. Therefore, in order to keep our minds clear and out from under the iron heel of the mass media, I propose that the conception of the Boogeyman be changed. Behold:
There, I submit, is a much better version of the Boogie Man. Granted, this couldn't have existed in 17th Century England, but now that it can, I say we take advantage of it. And, while some would find this quite frightening, I think it's awesome. I don't know how it could get much cooler than a guy in awesome clothes discoing in your closet. I only wish my closet were big enough for disco! The contrast between this picture and the first is monumental, and I have to say that the second one is so much cooler. If not cooler, it is at least groovier, you can't argue with that. That being said, I make an end.

And So it Begins

Why, the reader may ask, is this so hilarious? That is something that can be debated. However, to me, who has had a slight dislike for horses for years, this picture brings a definite smile to my face. What must my little ponies be thinking as they go to their death in the glue factory, which looks remarkably like a parking garage with an Elmer's sticker on the top of it. Do they understand the usefulness that they will provide to a world of elementary school children? Do they realize that their liquefied and sticky remains will be eaten by some of said elementary school children? Probably not. My little ponies are simply walking toward their death, completely naive, unaware that they have only seconds to live. Their bones will then be ground up, washed, cooked, filtered, evaporated, and turned into glue, which is really an interesting process.

http://www.madehow.com/Volume-5/Glue.html

Then, they will be siphoned out into the waiting truck, where the man with a creepy smile on his face is waiting to drive away their stickified remains to other places. In my experiences, horses are pretty perceptive animals. They can, as I like to say, quoting Disney's "Atlantis" (an excellent movie) smell fear just by lookin' at ya. You'd think that they would be able to also smell or sense other moods on people as well. However, my little ponies are a different breed altogether. I haven't spent a lot of time around the toys or the cartoons, but the stupid looks on their faces tell me that they are no ordinary horses. Despite the fact that I think that they have the ability to talk, they are stupider than your average real horse. I'll bet it was easy to round these guys up for the glue factory.
Truck Driver with Creepy Smile: "Hey, guys, who wants to go to the glue factory?"
My Little Ponies: Yay! Hooray! Let's go to the glue factory!"
Stupid ponies.

It's because there are things like this out here that I have decided to give in and follow the rest of the world, making a blog. Readers of this blog won't be getting stories of my life, unless something absolutely amazing happens. This blog is for random crap that I wish to discuss, or, for the sake of staying awake in class, I decide to discuss it. Thank you, and have a nice day. I hope you've enjoyed your dose of danger.