Friday, August 28, 2009

Captain Danger: Awesome or Egotistical?

So, as my history paper-worthy title of this post says, this post is the promised sequel to the previous one, as to whether my self-applied nickname, Captain Danger, is merited. Let us begin. First of all, how does one define danger? says that danger is defined as " liability or exposure to harm or injury; risk; peril," " an instance or cause of peril; menace," or " Obsolete. power; jurisdiction; domain." While that last definition is obsolete, I definitely like it. Anyway, I am about to attempt, using real-life situations, that my superhero name is merited. While doing so, I may just prove that I'm awesome, and, that being the case, I figure that I can just call myself whatever the heck I want and have it be merited.

So, it stands to reason that Captain Danger would do dangerous things, correct? Well, let's start perusing his life. We'll start a while ago. Here we have Captain Danger, his preferred weapon in hand, one of his first victims in other hand, preparing to deal out some real damage. Okay, granted, it's a coconut, but how many people do you know who keep machetes in their house? I would guess that, for most of my readers, the answer to that is "not many." If there's something that denotes "exposure to harm," I would say that tossing a coconut up in the air and then wildly swinging at it with a machete does.

Next: we have this gem. Here I am, after a day of manhandling heavy fence posts into place and bending barb-studded wire to my will, standing at the edge of a precipitous drop into a place called Adam's Crick, which, I have to tell you, would not be fun to fall in. Trust me. One of the few things that make Captain Danger uneasy is proximity to heights from which he could fall and injure himself, and so, this picture definitely shows "risk."

As further proof, I offer the following:Now, the reader may say, "Now, Cliff, that's not dangerous! You're just riding a horse!" To that reader, I say, "You, sir (or madam) obviously don't know much about horses!" I may look to be very much at my ease, and I am in this picture, because I'm awesome. However, what many readers don't know is that most all horses are seething cauldrons of deceit and destruction, just waiting to destroy you when they feel the slightest hint of fear coming off of you. If you don't believe me, ask me sometime about the time when a horse sat on me and I couldn't lift my left arm for about a week. Not a pleasant experience. That was definitely "peril" if you ask me.

Gunfighting, as I'm sure most people will agree, is very dangerous. The idea of pacing off and then turning and firing definitely implies "liability or exposure to harm." Pieces of lead flying at fantastically fast velocities are very likely to cause harm to bodily tissues. Thankfully, I, Captain Danger, have yet to sustain harm from said pieces of flying lead. However, the chance is always there, as long as the gunfighting habit remains. However, this picture most definitely denotes danger.

On the right, we have another instance of exposure to harm by proximity to a precipitous drop. Granted, this time I'm clipped in to a rope, but you never know when said rope is going to give, and then where are you? You're stuck in a hole on the side of a wall with no way down. Of course, I'm Captain Danger, and as I have a pretty good hope that I will one day gain super powers, I'm not too worried. I'd just have to wait it out. But, for most people, this would be a very dangerous thing to attempt. Keep that in mind next time you trust a rope. "This rope could break at any time, and I have no hope of acquiring super powers in the future. Crap."

And, as the final piece of proof, I offer the most dangerous thing that I participate in: consorting with women. If anything denotes "an instance or cause of peril," it would be hanging around with women. While their company can be enjoyable, they tend to have evil boiling just under the surface that can explode at any time. Just look at that angry face on the specimen at the left!

With that, I conclude. I, personally, feel that the appellation "Captain Danger is entirely merited. I leave it up to the public to decide for themselves. The Cliff Chandler rests.