The picture claims to be unexplainable. I beg to differ. In this post, I, Cliff Chandler, will use my amazing powers of deduction to solve the mystery of the dipstick with the sewing machine.
This dude was on his way to the prom, thus the tuxedo. As he was walking out the door to his UPS truck (He works for UPS and he's too poor to get any other mode of transportation.) he realizes that there's a rip in his jacket. He has to go and pick up the photographer and his date, in that order, and he's already running a little late, so he quickly runs back into the house and grabs a sewing machine, figuring he'll just find a quiet corner at the dance and fix his jacket in a flash. So, he heads out, puts the sewing machine in his UPS truck and drives over to the photographer's house, hitting a little bit of traffic on the way, making him even later than he already was. Thus, with the photographer in the passenger seat, he started screaming over to his date's place to pick her up. On the way there, he saw the river trail, which looked wide enough for his truck. The photographer said to go for it. They were late, after all, so he jumped the curb and drove up onto the river trail. He was screaming down it, going 50 or 60 miles per hour, and it was looking like they were going to make up quite a bit of time, when a cop jumped out in front of them, telling them to stop, since it's illegal to drive UPS trucks on river trails. The guy stopped, but he didn't want to have to have and episode with the cops, since he was already late, and his date was really attractive. Thus, he jammed the truck into reverse and started shooting back down the trail backwards. However, what I forgot to mention earlier was that he had only started working for UPS a couple weeks ago, so was still not entirely adept at driving UPS trucks, especially in reverse. So, he lost control of the truck and it went backwards into the river. He and the photographer jumped clear at the last minute, remarkably landing on their feet, clean and unscathed. The doofus even managed to grab his sewing machine! Those things are expensive, he wasn't going to leave it in the truck. Well, the cops took him into custody and his boss showed up. Eventually, the cops were chatting with his boss about how stupid this kid was, and the kid, figuring that his date was done, and that the girl he was going out with was probably either crying in her room or shredding pictures of him, decided to make the best of a bad situation and use the photographer he had paid for. Thus, they took a picture. This guy was pretty proud of his sewing machine, so he held it up in the picture. Yup, with a hair-brained scheme like this, that sewing machine is going to be about the only date you ever have, dude.
Same as #1, except that he bought the sewing machine as a gift for his date, because vacuums are outdated and stoves are too heavy and expensive.
A UPS driver was driving along, making his deliveries, minding his own business, when he saw a squirrel run onto the river trail. Now, more than anything, this UPS driver hated squirrels, because a rabid squirrel had killed his father. He jumped the curb and started chasing the squirrel with his UPS truck. Three cops were nearby, and they saw this man driving recklessly in a park and rushed to apprehend him. As they did, the driver hit the squirrel, and taking great joy in his victory, put his truck into reverse so he could get out of there before the cops could catch him. However, he was a little too happy over his victory, and wasn't paying attention, so he backed his truck down an embankment and into the river. The police pulled him out of the truck as he chuckled evilly to himself. Then, a dipstick in a tuxedo showed up. "My name is Bond, James Bond," he said, brandishing his sewing machine. "It is my duty to save all UPS drivers who fall into rivers. I have a lot of sympathy for them. My brother once did it on his way to a date." The cops told him to shut up and go away. An attractive female jogger on the trail saw the scene, and thinking it was too amazing to let go unrecorded, asked the dipstick to pose, and took a picture of the whole thing with her camera phone.
Some person with way too much time on their hands started messing around with photoshop.
The dipstick felt like being classy one day. Perhaps he was messing with one of his coworkers. After work, his mother asked him to go to the sewing machine repair shop and pick up her repaired sewing machine. He went, but was too lazy to change out of his tuxedo. On his way home, he decided to walk along the river trail, since it was shorter, and he loved to walk along the river and see the animals. Sewing machine in hand, he came upon the scene of a UPS truck backed into the river. The driver was standing there with three cops, saying, "It came out of nowhere, I swear! I normally really like squirrels, but I just had to kill this one!" "Dang," thought the kid with the sewing machine. "If only my cousin, Bond, James Bond were here, he would get that UPS driver out of this jam. He hates coppers and his brother is a UPS driver. Oh well. I guess I'll just take a picture to show him the good he could have done if he had been here."
The kid had a plan in which he dressed up to rob a casino. That didn't turn out too well, and he had to run. His only available vehicle was a UPS truck. On the way out of the casino he picked up a sewing machine that just happened to be sitting there. He had always loved sewing machines, and thought it was a shame to leave it lying around. So, he took off in the UPS truck, with the cops in hot pursuit. He tried to lose them on the river trail, but quickly saw that his way was blocked by a cement barrier. When he tried to back up, he fell in the river. The cops caught him, and they took mug shots with the sewing machine as evidence. Meanwhile the cops chatted with the real driver of the UPS truck, who was pretty ticked. "If only Bond, James Bond had been here!" he said. "He'd show this dipstick that you don't mess with UPS drivers! He'd kill that kid with his own sewing machine!"