On Home

While I generally get bored at home, allow me to enumerate some of the awesome things about it:

1. The fact that I've been allowed to sleep in every day (that was unexpected).

2. The supreme stupidity of cows (usually it's annoying, but right now it's fun).

3. The fact that we've trained our dog to jump into the bucket of the tractor while we feed the cows.

4. Getting to drive the old Ford Ranger with a deer antler for a gearshift handle.

5. The fact that it's generally ridiculously freezing outside (this would bother most, but not me).

6. The fact that I have almost full use of my left arm.

7. The fact that my family is here.

That's all I've got at the moment. However, suffice it to say that I'm having a pretty good time right now. This is Captain Danger out.

On Accomplishment

The paper is finished. If you want to know something about Eisenhower and how he handled nuclear weapons, you just ask me, and I'll probably tell you more about it than you ever wanted to know, with footnotes. However, I have to say, writing a 25 page (and one paragraph) paper does give you a sense of accomplishment. Especially since I did most of the work with a broken arm. That's right. Granted, there wasn't a lot of heavy physical lifting involved, but that's beside the point. You try concentrating on the Foreign Relations of the United States series when your arm hurts really bad.

In other news, I went to the last class of my undergraduate career on Thursday. That also gives something of a sense of accomplishment, though since all I did in that class was walk on an elliptical trainer for 35 minutes, that sense was slightly diminished. However, it feels good that I don't have to worry about too many more things like tests and homework and the like. At least, not my own homework. The fact that I'm going into teaching means that those things are going to be my life, but at least I will be making it up and grading it, not doing it. However, the disconcerting thing is that I don't have my student teaching placement yet, which is confusing. I did my application in an awesome way, and even had an amazing picture of me in it. I mean, there was no way they could have said no to that picture. However, I went to the education office on Wednesday and asked if I was stupid and was looking in the wrong place, and they said, "No, the placements just aren't up yet." And, I just checked, and they're not up. Thanks a lot, education office. You're just wads of help.

Anyway, that's all I have to say at the moment. I feel like I complained a lot in this post. Have I mentioned that I'm awesome? Because that's true. That is all. Captain Danger out.

On The Library

The Harold B. Lee Library: Consistently in the Top 5 on the Princeton Review for best college library in the country. You'd think they'd have more comfortable chairs at their tables. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this post short so I can get out of the library (Which is staying open until 2:00 am tonight. Who would do that?) and go home to my guitar and then my nice warm bed. This is Captain Danger out.

On Snow in General

The image at right is what it currently looks like outside my house. Now, don't get me wrong, I generally thoroughly enjoy snow. It's pretty, and you can sled in it. Other people can even snowboard and ski in it, which is cool for them. However, there are plenty of times when snow is not my friend.

You may not be able to see it in the photo, but it is currently snowing, and snowing quite a bit. That means that it isn't really safe to go back to Provo today. Hooray. That means I get to drive on the sabbath tomorrow and not buy my delicious enormous drink. But, you know, go snow.

Anyway, I complain to much. That being said, there's snow on the roads, and if they would just listen to me and make heated roads, I wouldn't have this problem. They could make them solar and wind-powered. It would totally work! Places that get a lot of snow generally also have high winds, so that would generate plenty of power to take care of a small heater under the road. Plus, you could harness the energy from the wind coming off the cars as they go by. It would work!

Anyway, that being said, I make an end. This is Captain Danger out.

On Snow on Roads

Just a quick observation. Snow on roads should be banned. I propose a simple solution: heated highways. Thank you.

Late Night

So, I should be in bed right now, but I thought I would preserve this little lesson in the foreverness that is the Internets before I forgot how much I want to share it. Observe:

This is Cliff Chandler:

This is Cliff Chandler with a broken arm:

This is also Cliff Chandler with a broken arm:

Any questions?

On Doctors and Arms

Well, for those few who haven't heard, and those who have, it turns out that my arm has been broken for the past two weeks! (and then some) However, I went for two weeks without knowing, and in that two weeks, while I thought I just had a muscle injury, I did some pretty crazy crap to do with a broken arm, and I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with myself, more specifically, with my pain tolerance. Yeah, go ahead and break my arm! I'll still drag my fat butt out of one of the most intense canyons in Utah! I'll still play football, ultimate and racquetball! I'll still lift a whole bunch of heavy boxes at work! You can't stop me!

At any rate, now knowing that my arm is broken, I figured I probably should see that doctor, so I went up there early to make sure that I could get in to see him and make it to class, and guess what? The doctor was late. Excellent. So, I had to leave to make it to class (which I normally wouldn't have minded skipping, but it was a final) and I asked some nurses about what I should do, and they didn't seem concerned. The conversation went down something like this:

Cliff: So, I can't see a doctor right now, but, my arm is broken, is there something I should do about that?

Nurse: I don't know, does it hurt you much?

Cliff: A little.

Nurse: Well, uh, do you want some kind of support for it, like a sling?

Cliff: That would probably be good. (Thinking, "I don't know! You're the one with the medical training, you tell me!"

Anyway, so now I have sling, and I wear it most of the time, though I have to take it off to do things like type, play the guitar, do my job, and play Starcraft. Aside from that, though, I generally leave it on, and it's a huge relief to take it off. In the mean time, I think my arm is probably up to about 50% combat readiness (at least) but I haven't really tested it, now I know that the bone is broken, I figure I should be careful with it. That being said, I make an end.

On Doctors

So, I caved and went to the doctor yesterday. In retrospect, it may have been a bad idea. He felt my arm and had me try to lift it and then said that I need to see an orthopedic surgeon to get a real idea of what's going on. He did say that I've either torn my rotator cuff or else I've got a bunch of blood from bruising up in my deltoid that keeps me from being able to lift my arm. That second one sounds kind of far-fetched to me. So, I'm going to see an orthopedic surgeon on Monday. If he tells me I need an MRI, I'm going to tell him to stick it. If he tells me that I need physical therapy, I might go along with that. I'll see. Anyway, there's the update. Oh, and he also said that I should be okay playing racquetball and football. Not in so many words, but he said that when my arm hurts, it probably isn't getting worse, it just hurts, so I'm good. I just can't go slamming into walls. I think I can handle that.

Overall, I thought it was a pretty lame experience. Granted, I understand that he couldn't really make a definitive decision, but I'll bet I go to the orthopedic surgeon, and he says, "Yep, the other guy was right." and I end up spending more money on doctors visits. This, my friends, is one of the areas where our health-care system is screwed up. Okay, so maybe not.

In the meantime, my left arm reports approximately 30% combat readiness. Definitely not what I expected for right now. Granted, I could still kill most anyone right now, I would just have to use my left arm sparingly, as it would mostly stuck to my side. And when I talk about killing anyone, I mean any aggressor, like a suicide bomber or supervillain or something. Not just random people. That being said, I don't have much else to say today. This is Captain Danger out.

On Research and Eisenhower

I sit here in my entryway, and I should be doing research. It turns out the nuclear policy of the Eisenhower administration is actually pretty interesting. It's too bad I can't come up with a thesis yet. Anyway, I don't feel like doing research, so instead I'm writing something that very few people will read.

I'm not even sure what I want to write about. For those who care, my arm is on the upswing, somewhat literally, though I still can't swing it very proficiently. However, I think it will probably be at approximately 50% of combat readiness by the end of next week. It may even be higher! All I want is to be able to pick it up onto a table without having to use my other arm or having to used my fingers like spider legs to get my hand to where it belongs. Give me that, and I'll be one happy man. Oh, that, and I would like to be able to turn my blinkers on and off, too.

Anyway, did you all know that the Eisenhower administration took us to the brink of nuclear war like three times? I didn't know that. In a survey of later American history people usually kind of gloss over the Eisenhower administration as a time of peace. Well, let me ell you, it may have been physically peaceful, but there was a lot of mess going on. If there's something I've learned in my study of history, it's that there is always something going on, no matter what it may look like at a glance. Take Utah when the Mormon pioneers just came in. Famine and peace? Not so much. I learned about that in my Utah history class.

Anyway, I don't think any of my readers are really that interested in this, I just felt like writing something. That being said, I leave you with a picture of an excellent man, at least based on the things I've read so far.

This is Captain Danger out.

On Arms

There are some things that you really don't understand what you've got until you've lost it. This was the case with my left arm. Now, don't worry, I'm not running around with a stump. My left arm is still attached to my body. However, the majority of the time it hangs uselessly at my side, because I can't lift it. Is that convenient? No. Not at all. You think, "Oh, I'm right-handed, so I don't need my left arm that much." Well, if you thought that, you're wrong. You would be really surprised at the number of things you use both arms for. Take, for example, getting dressed, or undressed for that matter. I'll bet you never tried to take off or put on a shirt when you couldn't lift one of your arms. It's harder than you think. Also, take driving. Closing the driver's side door without a left arm is a fight in itself, and then trying to do something with your right arm while driving is pretty well out of the question, because, while I have enough strength in my left arm to hold onto the bottom of the wheel, I can't really steer.

Thus, I finish complaining. I'll tell you what, I knew I was awesome, but before now I didn't know just how awesome, because I have to say, I'm pretty proficient and going around without a left arm. Also, the fact that I dragged my fat butt out of a canyon with only my right arm makes me pretty pleased with myself, too. In closing, I say this to you, my readers: Don't take your non-dominant arm for granted!

Canyons

As I sit here in my house at 7:32 am, waiting for it to be time to go to my weightlifting class, (that's right, I'll be ripped come December) my mind turned to what is the main reason for my weightlifting class, and what has become quite possibly my favorite pastime: canyoneering.

What is it you ask? In a word: awesome. In a few more words, I usually describe canyoneering as hiking through a slot canyon, but as slot canyons tend to offer a lot of obstacles, it usually consists of a lot more than hiking. Most of the time there is rappelling involved. There are usually things that you have to climb down, water to wade through/get over by being tricky and bracing yourself across the canyon walls, water to swim through, things to climb over, and all sorts of awesome stuff, not to mention the amazing things you get to see. Basically, take the coolest thing you've ever heard of and multiply it by 19. That might get you pretty close. It is the fact that I'm into canyoneering that gives me the ability to think when I walk around, "You know, Cliff, you're probably a lot cooler than most of the people around you." Note that I said most. I'm sure there are some people out there who make up for this deficit somehow, but I don't know how yet.

Anyway, that being said, I provide you with a few pictures, just to prove my point. This is Captain Danger out.

LOST

Before reading this post, please view the animated .gif found here.

Now, if there's one thing that I've never understood, it's the show LOST. I've never seen a full episodes, but the parts of episodes that I've seen have seemed really convoluted and confusing. Some people would say, "Cliff, you can't make a judgment on a show that you've never watched a full episode of!" First of all, those people are ending their sentences with the word "of," which any person who knows about grammar can tell you is awful. I'm pretty sure that the sentence that I just wrote was also grammatically awful, but I don't want to expend the amount of thought it would take to fix it. Yeah, I'm lazy. Second of all, I beg to differ. I believe that I can pass judgment on, not just shows, but also people, animals, books, and pretty much anything when I hardly know anything about them. I'm good at that kind of thing. For example, the first time I saw the show Stargate SG-1, I knew it was a great show, and I was right! I could give many more examples, but that's not what this post is about. Anyway, based on my judgment, the show is just strange. Also, I can't watch any full episodes, because I once told one of my coworkers that I would never watch that show, and when Cliff Chandler says he'll do something, he does it. Or doesn't do it. Depending on the situation.

Anyway, I obviously can't go into great detail explaining what's strange about the show, because I haven't watched it. However, from what I've been told, the premise is that a bunch of people from a plane end up stranded on an island and strange crap starts happening. Okay, that's easy enough to deal with. However, then, from what I'm told, they start having flash backs, and then even stranger, flash forwards, and then before you know it you don't have a clue what's going on. Who wants to watch that? Not me. At any rate, I think the main reason I wanted to write this post is to showcase the animate .gif, which, if you didn't look at it from the first link, you can look at it here. Basically, from what I've heard about the show, that thing sums it up pretty well if you ask me. This is Captain Danger, signing off. (For now. I'll post again, don't worry.)

Six Strings to Greater Attractiveness

There was a time in the past when I was very jealous of those around me who could pull out a guitar and start strumming it. I've always been pretty confident in my voice, and many have told me that I sing well. However, for a very long time, after giving it a couple tries, I had decided that I was incapable of playing the guitar, since I have large fingers. Fat fingers, as I like to call them. However, after a large amount of practicing, I have developed a descent amount of skill. Nothing too amazing, but I can strum out several chords and I can string them together and sing while I play them. I continue to practice, and I consider myself an amateur at best. However, something that I noticed at least partially before I could play and something that I really notice now that I can play is the following: Women really like a guy who can play the guitar. I'm not sure what the allure is, and I'm not going to ask too much, but for some reason, they think it's amazing.

One situation that I keep on finding myself in (and enjoying) is when I mention that I play a little, and then the girl who I said it to asks, "Can you teach me how to play?" My reply? "Yes I can." Then, not only do I get to hang out with said woman for a little while, I also generally get a chance to show off, something that I thoroughly enjoy. Anyway, that being said, I leave the mystery to my readers. What is it that's so attractive about a guy who can play the guitar and sing? I conjecture that it may be the fact that in order to play the guitar, there has to be at least some of his time spent not playing video games. With that, I make an end.

On Spamming

Dear Asians who keep on spamming the comments on my blog,

Because of you I have had to turn on comment moderation. You know, I really have no problems with Asians, and I actually think that Asian characters are pretty cool, the fact that I have no clue what your comments say aside. However, it's the fact that every single one of those comments has a long string of links after it, every one of which leads to a website that I definitely can't endorse. Therefore, my Asian friends, you will find that every one of your comments on my blog will be rejected. I apologize, but that's just the way it has to be. I hold my blog to a higher standard than that.

Yours,

Clifton Chandler
Captain Danger

P.S. To all of my loyal followers, this is why I have turned on comment moderation. Not that you would notice, since none of you have commented on my last couple posts. That's all.
CDC

You Thought I was done blogging, didn't you?

Well, allow me to begin this post by first saying that I apologize for my long absence. I would like to point out, however, that I am not the only one. It seems to me that the blogging craze has died down a bit since last year, when it seemed like everyone and their dog was blogging about everything. Granted, there are a few people who are still blogging, but not nearly as frequently as they used to. Life is sad when people don't want to write about random crap that happens to them or that comes to mind. I blame it on the recession. Either that, or Global Warming. Or else President Obama. It might be his fault, too.

Anyway, I didn't write this post just to make apologies and to point fingers. I actually have something to write about! If you're wondering what it is, wonder no longer! I present to you, the nunchuck gun:This little wonder is brought to us by the geniuses behind homestarrunner.com, one of my very favorite websites. (You know what's annoying? The text in links is always purple. Why does it have to be purple? Anyway.) The nunchuck gun made its first appearance in "Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque too?" and has lived in my heart ever since. I mean, it's so cool! the idea of combining an awesome weapon with another awesome weapon defies the senses, as well as the intelligence.

Granted, there are obviously a few problems with this gun. First of all, it looks like it might have a bit of a shoddy construction. If I were in the business of making nunchuck guns, I'm pretty sure I would use duct tape, not masking tape. My experience with masking tape has been that it generally doesn't hold very well, especially under conditions of heat or getting swung into peoples faces, which are conditions that nunchuck guns are required to endure. Duct tape would do a much better job of making it stand up to the heat of firing, as well as being able to bear being swung into all sorts of peoples faces. Another problem that comes to mind immediately is how the gun would be aimed. Those not as familiar with firearms don't know this, but the sights of a gun (how you aim) are on the top, and with that nunchuck in the way, it would make it hard to aim. That, however, is inconsequential. It simply makes the nunchuck gun a close-range weapon, which makes sense in the first place, because nunchucks are definitely close-range, and pistols are generally only medium range at best.

However, aside from these small problems, which could be easily fixed, I could definitely say that if I were going up against the world's most evil man, a nunchuck gun would be welcome in my arsenal. Just it's ability to shoot, combined with its swing in faces-ness makes it awesome. With that, I make an end. This is Captain Danger out.

Follow-Up

So, my last post may have sounded a little bitter. Am I bitter? Definitely not. Bitterness is not in my repertoire of feelings. Disillusioned? I'm not entirely sure what that means in this context. Was I serious? No. In fact, in retrospect, I am all sorts of willing to concede that true love probably does exist. Does it exist for me? That's debatable. However, as I say that, keep in mind that I am most definitely not bitter. Anyway, while it is very likely that true love exists, I think that the true thing about that cartoon that I posted is that there are better things to be wished for than true love.

So, think about it. Sure, true love can be hard to come by, but it is possible to find it on your own. However, the things that the other guys wished for were nigh impossible to come by yourself. A star fighter? Superpowers? The barrel of money not so much, but work with me here. Given a choice to have one wish come true, and assuming that it can't be world peace or something similar, I would not wish for true love. I would hold out for that to happen to me naturally. No, I'm pretty sure I would wish to be able to teleport.

Now we get into the meat of this post. Teleportation is very possibly one of the coolest things ever imagined. Not teleporting with a machine, which, while it is cool, is inconvenient. The ability to simply be in one place and then suddenly disappear and appear somewhere else. I'm also talking about high-speed teleporting, such as the kind that Nightcrawler of the X-Men can do. I don't know if my readers have seen the beginning of X-Men II, but if they haven't it is pretty much the best part of the movie, and it shows just what a guy who can teleport is capable of, even if they are kind of scary looking, like Nightcrawler is. Yeah, I just watched it. Nightcrawler is most definitely the coolest of all the X-Men. And, what it doesn't show in that movie, but is apparent from my playing of Marvel video games, is that Nightcrawler is also very proficient with swords, something that makes him even more awesome. Anyway, not only can those powers be used to almost kill the president, should it be necessary (not saying anything about the current political situation), but they can also be used for good! Not only could they be used for good, they could also be used for AWESOME! I imagine all of the cool things that I could do if I could teleport like that, and it blows my mind. In fact, my mind is so blown that I can't give you any specific examples.

Also, if I were able to teleport, I'm pretty sure that it would make it easier to find true love on

my own. Take the movie Jumper. Granted, it's not the best movie ever made, but it was a much better movie for Hayden Christensen than Star Wars was. Anyway, part of that movie is him finding what is supposedly (granted, that's debatable) his true love. Maybe she isn't, maybe it's just lust, as it is in lots of movies. However, I think that his ability to teleport definitely allowed that to happen. His abilities certainly allowed him to save her life, along with his own and the lives of other jumpers around the world, by taking Samuel L. Jackson out of the picture. Anyway, I submit that if I had the ability to teleport, it would be so much easier to find my true love. In fact, I would probably be married right now and I wouldn't even be writing about this. However, if that were the case, I suppose you all wouldn't be able to experience the awesomeness that is my writing in this case. That being said, I wouldn't wish for true love at that wishing well. I would, as I have described, wish for my favorite superpower. The ability to teleport. I make an end.

What's the Big Deal?

The comic strip at left illustrates a good point. Is true love really the greatest thing? I mean, I think that those guys who wished for the other things may have been better off. In fact, I'm not sure if true love even really exists. Just sayin'.

What the Possum?

This one's for all of you people out there who think that all animals are cute, cuddly, and sweet. I submit to you the picture to the right. This animal is a possum, and it is neither cute, cuddly, or sweet, despite what that ridiculously cute little girl might think. That possum is about to try and bite her hand off! How is that cute? It isn't. Is that cuddly? I don't think so. Is it sweet to bite off a cute little girl's hand? I submit that it is not. In fact, I strongly submit that it is not. I've noticed that this misplaced liking for animals that many people have does not stop at possums, which are dirty, disgusting, and vicious creatures. No, people have endearing feelings for all kinds of animals, and I would like to put some of those feelings of endearment to rest so that the poor misguided souls who are feeling attached to these animals don't get their hands bitten off out of ignorance.

1. Cats

Now, you may be saying, "But Cliff, what's so wrong with cats? They're nice, right?" Well, let me set the record straight. Cats are not nice, but are, in fact, small, raging balls of pure and burning EVIL! I know lots of people think of cats like this:

That is not what cats are really like. No, cats are really more like this:

Does that guy look cute, cuddly or sweet? I didn't think so. He looks evil, he looks wet, and he looks like he wants to tear off your face and wear it to town, something that I do not desire to have done to me in the least. That being the case, I steer clear of cats as much as possible.

2. Cows

I don't know what misguided notion gave people the idea that cows are cute, cuddly, or sweet, but I assure all of you, having grown up around cows, that they are not, and that they deserve every bit of slaughtering for us to eat that they get. They deserve it. Just their mere stupidity assures that they were created for us to eat. Now, when many people think of cows, they think of this:

Now, while she is cute, at the moment, even I will admit that she's pretty cute. However, keep in mind that most cows, in fact, all cows, look like this when they grow up:

Yeah, scary and not cute, or cuddly, and it would gore you to death before even thinking, in fact, it can't think. That is definitely not cute. That being said, I think I've made my case. If anyone thinks that this guy is cute, I submit that their cute muscles are broken. Like, really broken.

That's all I have to talk about right now. If you have any other questions about animals that you think are cute, cuddly, or sweet, go ahead and put them in the comments. I will be happy to post on them later on. With that, I conclude this post. This is Captain Danger. Out.

Bear with Swords for Fangs Driving a Dump Truck

It's hard to explain just what is awesome about this picture. Granted, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it is still amazing. First of all, how did that bear get swords for fangs? It doesn't make a lot of sense and is probably really convenient, but I'll bet they come in really handy in a fight. I'll bet he's learned how to bend his head back really far, and then he can take out the enemy bears really easy. Second of all, how did he get into that dump truck? I mean, I've discussed before how a bear can get into a taxi, but I'm not sure how he'd manage to get into a dump truck. They're a lot taller and there are substantially fewer fat delicious-looking guys in dump trucks. Plus, how is he managing to drive said dump truck? I don't think that bears really have the level of intelligence required to drive a dump truck. I mean, some bears a smart, especially black bears, which, according to Jim Halpert, are better than grizzly bears. However, this bear looks more like a grizzly than a black bear. That aside from that, I don't think that even a black bear could drive a dump truck. I'm don't know how to drive a dump truck, and while I'm pretty sure I could figure it out, it would be tricky and definitely much too tricky for a bear to drive. So, that's basically what I have to say about this picture. I think that this guy needs to be watched out for, then sedated, and then questioned, because it is definitely a highly suspicious situation. This is Cliff Chandler--out.

There Comes a Time...

As they say, there comes a time when we must choose between what is easy, and what is awesome. Being awesome isn't something that just happens, it's a privilege, something to be used for the good of others, much like Dr. Octavius's philosophy on intelligence in Spiderman 2 (an excellent movie). Allow me to share a few ways that we can use our awesomeness for the good of mankind. Those blessed few of us who are awesome can't just proverbially hide our awesomeness under a proverbial bushel. We have to let it shine! The list that follows is by no means comprehensive, but it is a few good suggestions.

1. Looking attractive.

While being devilishly handsome (like me) is not necessary to being awesome, it doesn't hurt, and I've found that there are few people who, when they dress up all smart, similar to how I'm dressed up in the picture on the right, that don't look attractive, whether they be male, or female dressed in the female equivalent to a suit or whatever. Anyway, that is one excellent way to spread

awesomeness. People in your presence when you look this good can't help but to soak up just a little bit of the awesomeness that you are exuding.

2. Being Confident

While confidence is an important part of looking attractive, it is an integral part of being awesome, and also a great way to spread awesomeness. The less awesome can sense you confidence in yourself, in the fact that you can do what you set out to do, in the fact that you are awesome. This confidence can sometimes spread to others, if they are receptive, and make them just a little more awesome, possibly giving them a little bit of the gift that we, the especially awesome, have in abundance.

3. Being Hardcore

Is this part of the post just a chance for me to show off? Maybe. That is irrelevant. However,

when you do awesome crap and take pictures, which you show to people, or tell people all about it, they can't help but feel your awesomeness just seeping in their direction. Whether they use their proverbial awesome cup and scoop it up, applying it to their own lives, is their choice, but if you are spreading awesomeness by being hardcore and telling people about it, or even taking said less awesome people to do the hardcore things (this almost has to make them more awesome), you can't be held accountable for them not becoming more awesome.

By following the three preceding steps, you can be a large part of making the world a more awesome place, or at least making your general vicinity a more awesome place. Let your light so shine, and have a glorious day. This is Captain Danger out.